Night off

My husband and I had been living together for 10 years before our son was born. We were so used to having time to ourselves and time together before our son. Caring for an infant at all hours of the day and the night was a huge paradigm shift for us and we struggled to keep our cool. Our relationship changed and we weren’t too happy with each other (lack of sleep didn’t help either!).

After one year of maternity leave, I went back to work full time and things got worse as the pressures of performing well at work collided with the pressures of house-work and child-care (both my husband and I work full time at traditional 8am – 5pm + commute time jobs)

Then, one day I sat down and brainstormed ideas on how we can improve our relationship and have more time for ourselves and regain our sanity. I am an engineer and a problem solver by nature. And so “Night off” was born.

Here’s how it works : we each get one guilt-free “night off” on a weekday after work. On this night, you are not obligated or expected to come home or do any household chores. You can come home if you wish but you are not expected to engage in child-care or any household work. It is your “night off” from double duty. The other spouse takes on full household responsibility.

Here are some of the activities I have done on my “nights off” – go to a movie (with a friend or by myself), read a book in peace, massage, pedicure, shopping, golf lessons, swimming lessons, gym, yoga, paint nite with a friend, learn to play the piano, learn to read music, dinner/drinks with friends/co-workers/customers, staying late at work, Christmas shopping, write my blog and watch TV.

Here are some benefits of “nights off”: you get some time to yourself to recharge or pursue a passion without any guilt for ignoring your children or spouse. The other spouse gets to spend some quality one-on-one time with the kids. Today is my night off and I stayed an hour late at work, came home for a quick supper, went for a massage and now writing my blog. My husband and son worked on a puzzle, wrestled, played computer games and had a blast without mommy. Win-Win-Win!

We have been religiously taking our “nights off” for 4 years now (except when we are on holidays and some special weeks). Why don’t you give it a try? (If you don’t have kids, try taking a night off from your significant other or your daily routine.)

We also go for a “date night” once a week for a couple of hours after my son goes to bed and I will write about it soon.

Good bye world! Thanks for reading my blog.